Around a spellbinding fire, in the treehouse, during an intimate conversation, Sanchia - my soulmate - asked me what I would be like without fear.
Fear rules our lives. People are built up of layer upon layer of fear. Fear drives society. We are significantly motivated by it: fear of retrenchment, poverty, accident, alienation, oversight, prison, etc. These are common human preoccupations.
The perspective of a loved one pointed this out to me: my own fear and its impositions.
The treehouse offered exposure to many fears: spiders and bugs of note; midnight howls from unnamed forest creatures; isolation, darkness, silence and the never-ending potential for unknown evils within them.
The treehouse experience was an excellent test of bravery. Going to the bathroom down four flights of stairs in the middle of the bush at 3AM felt like good practice treating trivial fears. Since then, I have endeavored to understand and overcome all my fears whether noise, pain or embarrassment.
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”
― Frank Herbert, Dune
Likewise, during a pleasant Saturday morning walk, with the Winter Sun defrosting our three eager souls, Sanchia mentioned another game changer to me. With grace she explained how she witnessed in me a lack of discipline.
Truly I, even my entire immediate family, had this lack which hurt us. We were just talent and grit out there in the cruel world. Without discipline, I recognized, we were functioning at something like one tenth our potential.
Immediately, the scales fell off my eyes and this revelation revealed the burdens of my lack of discipline: being impatient, frantic and unfocused.
Discipline to me is at the end of the word dad, that small ‘d’. A missing father figure or effective substitute often leaves people without the structure and awareness to succeed, let alone know themselves enough for effective struggle.
In the absence of such a disciplinary figure, I turned to God.
“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” ― 2 Timothy 1:7
“Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” ― Proverbs 12:1
“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.” ― Hebrews 12:5-6
It took being open, honest and quiet to receive these wonderful lessons and to learn from others in order to grow. I am working this feedback to great personal benefit. (Thank you, Nippy <3.)
Treating fear and learning discipline feel like missing ingredients in my life which is now over three decades long. A loving, caring and wise third-party can improve your life with mere information. Another great lesson I have learned - I wish I recalled the source but nevertheless - is to: fight fear with information.
I call Sanchia my “fountain of youth” (Proverbs 5:18). By indulging in her wisdom, I have extended my life and increased my wellbeing.
